Killing Kikyo An Inuyasha Parody
by Diespedes
Summary: Kagome is sick of Kikyo constantly escaping her assasination attempts, will she finally suceed? or will Inuyasha figure it out? Dont read if you're a Kikyo fan
1. Chapter 1

Glazing at her crystal ball with angry eyes Kagome watched helplessly as Kikyo once again narrowly thwarted the very jaws of death "why won't that bitch just die already

**This is a parody of Inuyasha I wrote while bored hope you enjoy ******

**Disclaimer: I own nothing pouts**

**This is dedicated to my brother and anyone else who has ever asked the question "Why won't Kikyo just die already!!"**

Glazing at her crystal ball with angry eyes Kagome watched helplessly as Kikyo once again narrowly avoided the jaws of death. _"Why won't that bitch just die already!_" Kagome screeched, she grabbed an expensive crystal vase and hurled it against the wall where it shattered into a million splinters.

"Temper, temper" Naraku strolled into the tower room smirking "Why don't you just give it up? The girl is obviously immortal" he slouched in one of the rooms two gilded thrones picking out a morsel from the tray of dessicated youkai bites on the table beside him.

Kagome grimaced "I don't know how you can eat that it's disgusting!"

Naraku shrugged offhandedly before gulping down another of the delicacies "I guess it's just an acquired taste"

"Fine brother you are! How come you have never given me any help? You aren't too bad in the immortality department yourself" Kagome pouted, referring to the many times he had appeared to be gone and then suddenly turned up after having being saved at the last minute.

"It's a secret" he chuckled "besides its much more fun watching your constant attempts on her life being miraculously thwarted" he sat forward with a sly smile "besides why should I help you? Thanks to your failed attempts I'm a bag of gold ahead in the castle betting pool". He ducked suddenly to avoid a vial of orange liquid that was suddenly launched at his head. It missed, hitting a unsuspecting mouse that suddenly puffed up to resemble a giant beach ball. Naraku shuddered "Now that wasn't very nice. What if that had actually hit me?"

Kagome rolled her eyes "I doubt very much any one would notice"

Kagome hurriedly dressed in her stupid school uniform. She wondered why she had to wear the damn thing, but concluded that at the very least it should insure that no one suspected she hadn't spent the last three days in the future.

Grabbing her bag she stuffed it full of the instant ramen, chips and sweets that her maid had brought up that morning. "That should keep Inuyasha busy and distract Shippo" she muttered to herself. She was getting the worrying feeling that Shippo was starting to suspect something. Then she laughed out loud "Even if he does figure it out the others will likely ignore him anyway and there is no way _Inuyasha_ will listen"

Chuckling to herself she snapped her fingers and transported to the well that was suppose to be a portal into the future "My, what fools these mortals be…" she cackled as she vanished amidst a cloud of sparkling dust.

Back at the well Inuyasha was waiting impatiently for Kagome's return. He jumped up from where he was sitting slouched against a tree and resumed his restless pacing. He huffed, this whole search for the Shikon gig would go a whole lot faster if only Kagome would just stay put in the feudal era.

He turned about to pace back the way he'd just come when he came face to face with a smiling Kagome. "You're late" he snarled.

Kagome smiled prettily back at him "I was getting your ramen, but if you don't want any…." She turned to walk off.

"NO!...I mean…umm" he stammered trying to regain his cool "….that's alright, you can make me some ramen as an apology" He concluded and struck a pose while anxiously watching her reaction out of the corner of his eye.

"Ok then!" Kagome trilled cheerfully whilst sniggering under her breath, what a _naïve dupe_.

They reached the village where the others were sitting relaxing under a tree, they stood off a little distance and watched as Miroku yawned and stretched reaching his arm out behind Sango's back "accidentally" grazing a breast. Seconds later the sound of a resounding slap sent a flock of small birds fleeing.

Inuyasha smirked before they continued their trek forward "No matter how often I see that it never gets old" he remarked.

"Doesn't it just?" Kagome replied with a smirk.

At that moment Shippo's ears twitched "KAGOMEEEE" he yelled skipping towards them. Kagome smiled, she really was fond of the young kitsune.

"I'm so glad you're back!" he exclaimed bouncing up and down excitedly "What did ya bring me?"

She sighed resignedly – children no matter what species were the same everywhere, still she reached over to the bag on her shoulder and tossed him a packet of chips. Within seconds he was sitting cross-legged on the grass in front of her munching away happily. Inuyasha noticed immediately and dived in to tackle him for the packet, but the kitsune was too fast and was up a tree upending the last of the crumbs into his wide open mouth. Back on the ground Inuyasha sulked and ignored the lump on his head that he sustained by colliding into a large rock after he missed the kit.

Kagome rolled her eyes – talk about children! "So glad to see nothing has changed in my absence" she muttered sarcastically. Sango laughed and Kirara chirruped in amusement, Miroku meanwhile was still out cold.


	2. Chapter 2

Hope you're all enjoying my story so far… here is the next instalment:

**Hope you're all enjoying my story so far… here is the next instalment:**

**Chapter 2**

Back at the castle Naraku was bored. He kicked Kohaku who was once again suffering a bout of amnesia. Kohaku stared at him blank eyed and started rubbing the bruise that was rapidly growing on his shin. "Oh go polish something!" Naraku instructed irritated, _was there nothing he could do?!_ Suddenly his scowl lifted and a smile crossed his face. The diminutive servants who witnessed his sudden change of attitude shrieked and fled the room terrified.

"Get me…" He turned around and wondered where everyone had gone. Dismissing the thought he hurried off to his workshop whistling. _Oh Kagome was just going to _love_ this! _

Kagome sneezed suddenly, she felt puzzled for a second but then quickly dismissed it as nothing, and after all she had more important things to worry about. Once again they were travelling to investigate rumours that could concern the jewel shards.

Inuyasha was as usual running ahead sulking. He was still mad at Shippo for eating the only bag of prawn cocktail chips – _he knew they were his favourite!_ This line of thinking was interrupted when he caught his foot in a tangle of vines and went flying.

The others caught up in time to watch Inuyasha struggling to free himself from the knotted vines. He finally gave up his effort when it became apparent he was only getting more and more entangled. Shippo lay on the ground clutching his sides helplessly, squealing with laughter. Kagome smiled faintly at the picture Inuyasha made – doing his best to imitate a contortionist.

"IRON REAVER SOUL STEALER!" the roar split the air, causing his companions to hold their ears and wince in pain. Tiny slivers of confetti rained down showering everyone with greenery. "That'll teach 'em to try and hold _me_ down" Inuyasha huffed, Sango spluttered trying to clear her mouth of the foul stuff.

"OSUW…" Kagome cut off the command when she noticed an entire forest of the same vines, she turned to face them astounded.

"Now what do you suppose…hey!...wait isn't that a roof?" Miroku's voice sounded faintly alarmed.

"Wasn't there a village around here?" Sango asked confused.

Miroku tilted his head considering "Why, yes there was…it was right." He froze. Then turning slowly toward his friends said softly "right over there" pointing to the great mass ahead of them.

The group approached the mountain of climbers tentatively "Cool! Let's check it out!" Shippo exclaimed before vanishing into the thicket of plants.

"Wait! It might be dangerous!" Kagome yelled after him, but it was too late. Shippo was already long gone.

Sango sighed resignedly "I guess we should follow him"

"I don't see why we have to go after that brat" Inuyasha muttered moodily under his breath"

"OSUWARI" the piercing cry was followed a large thump as Inuyasha's head bashed against the ground. He was still lying there in agony as the others headed after Shippo.

Shippo steadily made his way through the tightly packed lianas. This was finally _it_! His opportunity to show everyone what _he_ could do! "without the help of that mangy Inuyasha" he mumbled to himself – then hurriedly glanced around to make she no one had heard him.

A few steps further and he noticed a large bud. Shippo approached it curiously and poked it with a stick, when nothing happened he got braver and tried to pick it "Maybe it'll have a pretty flower – Kagome likes pretty flowers" he concluded with a big smile.

Just then it moved. Shippo jumped back in alarm – _what was going on!_ He watched hypnotised as one by one the petals opened. The flower closely resembled a daffodil – deep buttercup yellow, with lighter lemon yellow closer to the center. It was then that he noticed what he had previously missed – triple rows of razor sharp black teeth.

Miroku stumbled forward, he had lost the girls a few paces back – he suspected it might have been deliberate, after all Sango _had_ looked pretty upset after he'd groped her ass. He pondered this for a moment, then came to an abrupt halt. He sniffed the air. _Mmmm what was that divine smell?_

His eyes glazed over. He would recognise _that _smell anywhere! That was the smell of woman! He breathed in the aroma deeply, and then tilted his head as he heard faint tinkling laughter. He knew it! There were women here! His nose couldn't be wrong! He heard the sound again – it sounded a bit further away. He grabbed the long folds of robes in his hands and bolted towards the sound. "I, Miroku shall save you!" he shouted as he ran, never even noticing the tiny white flowers carpeted on the ground.

"I can't believe he did that!" Sango complained angrily. Kagome made soothing agreeing noises but inwardly was baffled.

_How can she say she couldn't believe it?!_ He did it _all_ the time! She really didn't understand these humans.

They pushed on through the heavy maze "Shippo!" Kagome yelled, then turned to Sango "Do you think we should be looking for Miroku too?"

"No, that pervert can take care of himself" Sango murmured then yawned , "I feel really sleepy all of a sudden". Kagome felt slightly drowsy herself and was thinking how soft that pile of leaves looked…and how wonderful it would be to just lie back and rest her eyes for a few moments.

Sango was already lying down and snoring loudly. Kagome didn't care, all she could think about was closing her eyes… after all what would a little nap hurt?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kagome woke up violently as she felt a stinging sensation on her foot. She glanced around her; she and Sango were trapped together in a giant green seedpod. Kagome mentally slapped herself and quickly brought up a forcefield to stop her and Sango being devoured by the digestive juices that were currently lapping at her ankle.

"Ewww" she screeched in disgust. She felt like such an idiot, if only she had been more observant she would have noticed the faint smell of lilacs – a dead giveaway for the Ukuru – a species of botantical yokai. She reflected angrily, if she had only recognised it she could have led Sango away and avoided being covered in this gunk! Now it would take weeks before she could get the smell out of her hair! How Naraku would laugh at her. She sighed, her anger forgotten in the face of her rapidly growing shame – he would never let her forget this. _Ever_. He would be telling the story at state functions for the rest of her unnaturally long life!

That wasn't even the worst of it. Worst of all is she would have to just stay put until that dummy Inuyasha figured out how to rescue her. She growled softly under her breath, she would be waiting _ages_!

Miroku mean while was still running. He hadn't caught up with the girls yet – but he felt so sure that he was almost there!

A wide soppy grin covered his dazed features _"wait for me ladies!"_ He yelled into the distance.

Soon he would be in the centre of a harem of warm willing women – he just knew one of them would want to be the mother of his children. He paused, wait, why stop at just one! The grin grew they could _allllllllll _bare his children! "_wait for me my lovelies!"_ he bellowed sprinting hard.

He never even noticed that he was once again running by the same scenery he had already passed a few dozen times.

Shippo dodged, narrowly missing the snapping…. Jaws? Mouth? _What was that thing?_ He tried to study it a bit better - from a safe distance of course! He wasn't stupid after all.

He watched its straining head struggling to reach him. So secure was he in his safe vantage point that he began to grow cocky. "Nya, Nya you can't reach me!" he chorused in a sing-song voice. Growing bold enough to resume his poking, he taunted the strange flower. His victory was however very short lived. As he was just about to hurl a stone he stopped in horror.

The plant reached down with large hairy leaves and tugged loose its roots from the soil. Shippo gave a tiny yelp at the strange sight. He was frozen in terror.

As soon as the last root had been lifted from the ground the plant lurched forward towards him. He hurriedly stopped impersonating an ice sculpture and with a loud poof replaced his body with a leaf. It was just in time to see the leaf ripped to shreds. He gulped, thinking of what would have happened had he taken even a second longer!

He took off at a run staring frantically behind his shoulder. The monstrosity clomped on close at his tail. Too close for comfort. He raced on trying to keep away from the giant plant.

In his workshop Naraku was busily mixing chemicals. He added the contents of two vials of liquid – red and green respectively, throwing in bits and pieces of what ever came to hand.

"This is sure to work" he muttered distractedly under his breath. He gazed at the gooey lump that was currently lying motionless in an old metal washbasin on the floor of his dungeon lab.

So close…it was almost complete. He paused a second, throwing back his long black hair letting out a maniacal laugh.

One of the tiny servants who had been standing in a corner holding open a large dusty book cocked his pointy ears in question.

Naraku shrugged in response "It just seemed like the thing to do"

He consulted the book "Mmmm looks like I just need a few more ingredients and then mature it in miasma for an hour"

He cut off a lock of his hair and a few finger nail clippings before stirring them into the mixture. Reaching out a hand the entire basin was shrouded in a horrible purple miasma. Naraku flipped over an hourglass and untied his _kiss the mad scientist _apron. Just one hour and his greatest creation would be complete! "Mwahaha!" he laughed in triumph.

Back in the corner – and still holding open the enormous book the little creature rolled his eyes and struggled not to yawn. He could just tell it was going to be a loooong day.

Outside the jungle of vines Inuyasha was lying on his back sunning himself on the lush grass beside a peacefully sleeping Kirara.

He was still fuming. If that stupid brat hadn't gone off on his own they could all be busy searching for shikon shards instead of wasting time!

He jumped up, sick of waiting. He was going to go in and haul them out of there – forcibly if he had to!

He strode up to the entrance, about to enter when a tendril of vine whipped out and grabbed his leg. He got out tetsuiga, ready to slice the thing off when the vine gave a tug and he suddenly found himself hanging in midair suspended by his right ankle.

"Hey! Cut that out!" he howled in dismay. Another vine reached out and attached itself to his left arm. Inuyasha let out a loud roar now he would teach this, this… thing to respect him!

He swung tetsuiga to cut himself loose, but the plant blocked his motion with a large red fruit. Tetsuiga made contact. Large red chunks exploded. Juice sprayed and seeds shot in all directions. Inuyasha and tetsuiga were both saturated with the sticky stuff.

Before Inuyasha could even wipe his eyes more tendrils shot out securing his entire body. He was totally stuck! No matter which way he pulled or how hard he tugged he couldn't free himself, his bonds were just too flexible. He shrieked in impotent rage.

Kirara was dozing, spread out in the sun. She was enjoying her time off – she knew it wouldn't be long before she was expected to transform and once again be stuck carrying most of their party and _all_ the luggage!

Her respite was rudely interrupted by a loud caterwauling from Inuyasha. Kirara paid no attention, hoping that if she ignored it long enough he would sort the problem out himself. This however, was not to be. The noise continued and increased in volume hurting her sensitive ears.

Resignedly she pulled herself to her feet and transformed, inwardly chuckling at Inuyasha who was wriggling like a worm on a hook.

Kirara opened her mouth and let out a delicate belch. A ball of flame shot out engulfing the base of the plant, a large screeching wail erupted – and then it was all over.

Kirara huffed disdainfully and returned to her spot in the sun. She couldn't be expected to do _everything_ herself!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kikyo was a true humanitarian, at least that's how she had always thought of herself. What would the poor, sick and needy do if they didn't have her to minister to them?

She sat primly on her knees beside a bubbling cauldron "Oooh! I'll add some of this… and some of those shiny leaves…and a few pink flower petals" she threw in the chosen ingredients happily in a sort of hap hazardous way. "See ouba-san, this will make you feel _soooo_ much better!"

Her patient who was lying prone on the other side of the fire looked dubiously at the cauldron. The mixture was frothing and spilling up over the sides, It was green and had bits of hair and leaves floating in it. A few flies that had been hovering over the rim came too close to the fumes pouring off the noxious mixture, they fell to the floor – legs up in the air twitching. The old man stared in horror, _there was no way he was drinking that!_

In the aftermath of Kirara's blast the entire gang was sooty and covered in plant slime. Kagome tore her way out of the burnt seedpod, helping out a still drowsy Sango. _"Help us already!"_ she yelled to Inuyasha who was struggling to get up, he ran a hand through his hair and grimaced as his fingers stuck in the gunky mess.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming…" He assisted the girls out of overcooked heap, gazing around. He was no clean freak by any standards, but even for him this was too much. After this they all seriously needed a bath.

Shippo lay on the ground panting, he never wanted to do that _ever_ again! From now on he was staying far, far away from flowers – they were dangerous!

Miroku was sitting on the ground blubbering all the girls were gone! Now how would he ever have children now?! He quickly cheered up, there was always Sango – yeah! She would do. Now all he had to do was convince her…

The last grain of sand trickled through the hourglass. Naraku rubbed his hands eagerly, then groaned in pain as he tried to stand. He had been sitting watching the timer for the last hour. Finally he would see how well it had turned out – he was a little worried though.

He had gotten the recipe from a great aunt of his, who wasn't entirely…there so to speak. She had been entirely brilliant when she was younger, but still prone to play some pretty nasty practical jokes. He wouldn't at all put it above her to change the ingredients to give some poor bugger an unpleasant surprise. He had…ummm…borrowed the book without asking after all. Agatha was a little touchy about formalities like that.

He experienced a brief surge of unease – it wasn't guilt – oh realms no! But still, the thought of what had happened to the last sod who had taken from her left him quite cold. Naraku shook off that thought quickly. She would never find out, and what she didn't know wouldn't hurt…him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

After defeating the plant youkai the gang was sticky and covered in bits of foliage and ash and in desperate need of a bath. Inuyasha insisted that it was totally unnecessary, and that he would "get clean next time it rained. Kagome of course put her foot down and quickly put an end to that nonsense. She sat him till he was immobile then with a little help from a giggling Shippo rolled him until he fell into the hot spring. After telling the boys to behave – and Inuyasha and Shippo to watch Miroku Kagome and Sango headed to another spring nearby.

"I'm going to get out now" Sango exclaimed. Kagome opened her eyes and sat up from where she was lounging.

"But you only just got in!" She queried in amazement. Sango eyed her strangely

"It's not healthy to spend so much time bathing your skin might start coming off".

Kagome sighed inwardly 'antiquidated, medieval superstition' "you go along then and I'll see you back at the camp a bit later"

Sango had left and Kagome was one again reclining on the bank almost totally concealed by the long grass. She was about to doze off when she heard footsteps coming towards her. Kagome looked up and smiled nastily as she saw Kikyo leaning over the water. This was just too much of an opportunity to pass up…

Kikyo meanwhile was doing her washing, quite unaware she was the subject of such hostile intentions. She moved just a bit closer to catch a pair of hakuma that had floated away from her when…

"Aiiiiiieeee"

'Splash'

Her squeal was quickly cut off as her head plunged underwater.

Sitting cross-legged on the bottom of the spring Kagome held Kikyo's ankles tightly as she struggled. Dead clay doll or not, she needed to breathe and Kagome was willing (and able) to out last her.

It was just about over when Kikyo got in a lucky kick knocking Kagome in the stomach. Kagome let go – only for a second but unfortunately it was enough time for Kikyo's head to break the surface and let out a piercing shriek "INUYASHA!!!"

Damn it! Kagome cursed silently, just a minute or so more…. But it was too late. Inuyasha would be on his way and she needed to be away from the scene of the crime before he arrived. Snapping her fingers with disgust she disappeared leaving nothing but a string of bubbles in her wake.

Inuyasha rushed to the spring where he spotted his angel struggling in the water. He promptly pulled her out and patted her back while she coughed and spluttered.

Finally she stopped coughing and stood shivering in his arms. He took off his fire rat outer hori and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Kikyo…" his voice cracking with emotion "I can't believe how close I came to loosing you again…"

"Inuyasha…" She lifted her head and stared deeply into his eyes murmuring his name in a breathy whisper.

Inuyasha couldn't resist and longer. He bent his head and eagerly covered her lips with his own kissing her gently. He slid his tongue along the seam of her lips 'Mmmm' she was so hot and pliant and tasted…of mud?!?

Breaking the kiss he looked down at her lips which were now slightly pushed out of shape and hey!... weren't his fingers sinking just a little too deeply into her shapely hips?

He turned around towards the Inutachi who had since caught up with him after his mad dash. "Something is wrong with Kikyo!" he exclaimed worriedly.

Shippo jumped on Inuyasha's shoulder and sniffed her with his delicate nose "Mhmm" he looked at her considering before running a finger over her neck. "Eerk!" he spat out disgustedly wiping the residue off his hand on to Inuyasha's inner hori. "She's melting" Shippo stated with finality.

"_**WHAT?!**_" The Inutachi stated stupefied. "You know melting" Shippo continued "well she _IS_ made out of clay after all and clay starts loosing its shape in water"

Sango peered at Kikyo "Shippo makes a good point; it does appear as if her body is loosing its shape"

Inuyasha's eyes widened and he whined "How can we fix her!!! I like her shape the way it is!!"

Miroku interjected gently "wouldn't it be better to let her go Inuyasha, She IS dead after all and the dead were never meant to walk the earth after their time has passed" he continued " "If Uraesue hadn't brought her back…"

"URAESUE!" Inuyasha interrupted loudly "There has to be something at Urasue's place that can fix her!" He swept up Kikyo "You guys go back to Edo; I'll meet you once I've sorted this out". Before anyone could say anything he was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Naraku stood in his lab and stared at his creation with complete bewilderment. How had it gone so wrong? The Instructions were fairly straight forward the ingredients weren't particularly special or hard to come by and yet his project was a comprehensive stuff up! He had been trying to create an identical clone of himself – he had _always_ wanted one of them! It would come in so handy. His expression turned misty as he thought of all the potential uses he could put it to. All those stuffy state functions he hated attending. All those balls and luncheons he was forced to escort vapid air headed chits to all in the name of appeasing his aunt. How he wished he had a replica of himself so he didn't have to suffer through such things. His musings were swiftly brought to grinding halt and he turned his attention back to the… the _thing_ lying in the basin. It was hideous and resembled a pulsating blob of flesh with tentacles spouting out from all angles but the worst of all that sent shudders down his spine was the face attached to the side. It was - to be fair a reasonable facsimile of his. This however made it all the creepier, but damnit he had no time for this! He had to dispose of the thing before Kagome found out about it – or worse his aunt! He didn't even want to think how she would punish him for this most recent – mishap. He was still left with the problem of what to do with it though. He had already tried poisoning and pulling it apart but the damned thing just kept regenerating it was a flaming nuisance! With that though a slight crossed his face he knew exactly where to leave it. There was a hollow cavern in the mountain where he could dump it and with the aura of purity around no one would be able to sense it there. Dumping the flesh ball in a sack he set off for mount Hakurei.

Rin was bored. Noriko her tutor had once again fallen asleep mid-lesson – hehe mid word more like! Rin sniggered softly behind her hand. Noriko would sleep for the rest of the morning leaving her free for the day. She quietly tiptoed to the door closing it silently behind her.

Lord Sesshomaru was also bored. He sat slumped over in his study behind an enormous desk – which was covered with an even bigger pile of scrolls. He pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Just looking at all the work he was expected to do gave him a headache. He sighed heavily it was so much easier when he first started his reign as Lord of the Western lands. All he was expected to do then was kill anything that defied him, now it was all about treaties and trade agreements and such. Was it really worth it? Sure now the Western lands were more than twice the size they had been under his father's rule. The land was also at peace for the first time in centuries but was it all really worth it? There were no real battles or challenges these days. Even resolving disputes (which he had once enjoyed) was now an complete joke. He merely had to show up and without a word rivals from birth were falling over each other to kiss and make up. He snorted in disgust youkai these days were all wimps wouldn't know a fight to the death if it bit them in the…

The door opened slightly and a pair of big brown eyes peered at him though the crack. "Come in Rin" he said stoically it didn't look like he was going to get much more done now anyway.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Rin hopes she is not disturbing milord!" She burst out with a massive toothy grin.

"Hn. Are you not suppose to be doing your lessons now?"

"No my Lord" She replied innocently "Noriko-sama is finished with Rin's lessons for the day"

Sesshomaru eyed her suspiciously. That Noriko seemed to release her early an awful lot maybe it was time to have a word with her…

"Lord Sesshomaru? May Rin go and play with Master Jaken?"

A slight glint appeared in his eye "Yes Rin you may" The little girl turned to leave "Rin"

She turned back to him quizzically "Yes my Lord?"

"Take Jaken into the garden. He expressed a desire for one of your flower wreaths"

She sent him a bright eager smile "Yes my Lord! I will take Master Jaken to the garden and decorate him with many, many flowers! Do you think he would like that?"

"Yes Rin he will like that." She beamed at him "But Rin, remember this is our little secret."

Rin turned serious for a moment "I remember, you said Master Jaken likes flowers, but he is shy and doesn't like to ask for them. That's why Rin will always give Master Jaken lots and lots of flowers and will never tell him that she knows his secret."

Sessoumaru nodded and dismissed Rin with a wave of his hand and an evil glint in his eye. That would teach the toad to cover his desk in paper work!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Inuyasha and Kikyo finally made it to the entrance of Uraesue's cave. It was dank and dark and smelt strongly of candle wax and paint. "There's gotta be something in there that can help you" Inuyasha said desperately. By now he was starting to feel rather panicked. Along the trip Kikyo's body had started to soften and was slowly loosing its shape.

"Inuyasha maybe some of those books over there can help us" Kikyo pointed to a corner where a number of old books stood propped up between youkai skulls.

"Hey, that's a good idea Kikyo, you're so smart Kagome would never have thought of that" Kikyo smiled slightly causing her cheek to sag down past her jaw. Inuyasha looked away suddenly grimacing "Errr why don't we take a look at those books then".

Kikyo started to read off the titles "_Necromancy, Life after Death by Agatha Greyling_, ummmm no _Death Magic and the Aura of Lich by Asr Ludwig _do you think any of those books will be able to help us?"

"Nah! Those books sound boring and complicated and look at all those tiny words, what we need is something simple"

Kikyo pulled off another book in soft yellowing leather "what about _Homunculi and Human Transmutation by Hohenheim Elric_" Inuyasha wrinked up his nose,

"Definitely not, besides that looks like human skin" he shuddered. "Hey this one is _perfect_! Its got pictures a full set of step by step instructions plus thing you can use to substitute if you don't have all the ingredients!"

Kikyo looked down at the book "Undead _Pottery for Dummies by Rom Spoilsmen_" She looked at him doubtfully "Inuyasha…are you sure this doesn't sound right"

"Don't be silly" Inuyasha broke in gruffly "It will all be fine now let's get on with this and soon you'll be as good as new!" He went to the back of the cave and picked up a big cauldron while Kikyo started gathering the ingredients they would need.

Kagome said goodbye to the gang and jumped down the well. She had told everyone that since they couldn't search for any more shikon shards she may as well go home and spend time with her family. This was partly true, she _did_ miss her family – quite a lot actually she just couldn't visit the ones she really wanted to see.

What she _could _do was go home have a nice hot bubble bath and climb between her 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets – after a proper meal – she couldn't stand the thought of any more ramen.

Home had an added benefit of course. If she had stayed in Edo she would've had to endure all those pitying sympathetic looks from her friends. All the "Don't worry Kagome, he doesn't love her anymore. Inuyasha's just to make up for the past". She rolled her eyes bah! Who were they trying to kid? Either they were stupid or they thought she was! Inuyasha was obviously still barmy over the dearly departed Kikyo.

Kagome giggled as if that would upset her. 'I mean sure I guess Inuyasha is cute, kinda in a puppy-like way. But he's so crude and aggressive, I'd never want to spend the rest of my life with someone like that' She stretched and put down her bulky yellow bag on the marbled floor "talk about an eternity in hell…" she drifted off as she made her way to her rooms. The bag she left. The elves would take care of that later, she had a big tub with high-pressure jets to soak in.

Kouga ran as fast as his jewel enhanced legs could carry him. He wasn't scared oh no! Just… wisely cautious, yeah that would do! For the past month Ayame had kept him chained up in a cave in a bid to convince him that they should mate. Immediately. Kouga was not convinced. This was in part largely due to two things. Firstly he didn't really like Ayame. She was loud and controlling and he knew very well one he mated her that would be it. His life as he had one known it would be over. It would be all…domestication and pups and not having _any_ say in his life _ever_ again! Kagome was a much better bet. Sweet and soft spoken she would make a much better mate. Plus there was that other reason. He had to admit (but only very privately to himself would he concede this was a far bigger reason) that he just wasn't ready to settle down yet. He was happy running wild with his wolf pack and living the bachelor life and a mate would totally ruin all that.

He shook off such depressing thought after all he was free again – if only for the moment. He needed to stay away from the den a while till things cooled down a bit. After all there was very little he could do to Ayame he _had_ promised her and canine youkai took those kinds of promises very seriously. He could have killed himself though. Why oh _why_ had he promised to mated her? How the hell had she remembered all those years – he certainly hadn't. Though he confessed, the way she was screaming and performing after he saved her he would have done anything _said_ anything to shut her up. Which was why he was in such a mess now. And while he didn't particularly need an alliance with the White Wolves he couldn't afford to conflict with them now either not while his pack was still so small.

Suddenly the though hit him. He would visit Kagome! He smiled broadly time spent with her always cheered him up. Besides Inuyasha would be there. It was easy to rile him up. They'd get into a bit of a tussle he could release some of his pent up energy. Hehe and after a while Kagome would sit him. A fight and some light comic relief - he could hardly wait.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Kikyo lay deep in a potion induced sleep while Inuyasha loaded the kiln with more wood. It was insane how much work it had taken to chop down all those trees for the five hours that she had to bake. He grabbed his discarded hori and wiped off the sweat that was pouring off his body. The whole bloody cave felt like a furnace and it was not nearly hot enough. He paused his work for a moment, to glance down at Kikyo.

She was looking so much better. Earlier they had used an mix of specially enchanted clay (mixed with the ash from her grave – didn't want her body to reject the new additions of course) to fix all the drooping sagging bits. Repairing and filling in all the marks where his fingers had pressed in a little too deeply. Why she almost resembled herself again! Hmmm Inuyasha stared at her thoughtfully. Kikyo was asleep, and it would be so wasteful to just leave all the remaining clay…

Gahhhh! Achoo! cough! Wheeze! He..lp meee Lord Ses..sho…maru!

Lord Sesshomaru looked up from the book he was reading - Icha Icha Paradise he chuckled softly. It wouldn't do for a Lord in his position to be seen giggling like a young pup! But really this author was just so good! He really had to thank his cousin for getting him the book, it was so much better than doing all his boring paperwork.

Achoo! Pl..eeese Help! He growled irritated he was just getting to a good bit too! Damn that stupid toad and all his allergies!

The door creaked open and a small bundle collapsed on his floor. Petals went flying and pollen rose from the ground like the dust cloud after an atomic bomb. He looked at the heap on the floor – Jaken or at least what he assumed was Jaken. He smiled inwardly Rin really had outdone herself this time.

He supposed he would have to do something though. Jaken looked like he was having difficulty breathing. It wouldn't do for him to die now – slavish devotion like his was not something you came across every day. Besides it was too much work to retrain new staff. So with a final look at the spluttering creature before him he pulled the long silk cord at his side to summon assistance.

Naraku dumped the vile bundle of flesh down a hole near the top of Mount Hakurei and listened carefully for it to hit the bottom. After an almost inaudible plop when it hit the bottom of the cavern he sighed with relief, then shuddered in disgust. He was so glad to be rid of that fleshy waste. All the way to the mountain it had been wriggling and writhing like a sack full of baby snakes – except it didn't feel like snakes. More like eels or slugs, all slimy and squishy eeeewww!

That was that he wasn't trying that again in a hurry! But wait! What he needed was a simpler solution. After all he still realllly wanted a clone! He pouted to himself, then his lips split into a grin that could set any female swooning. He had it! An answer to all his evil genius needs – EBAY! You could find anything there! Why not a do-it-yourself readymade cloning kit!

Finally all the hours of waiting were up. Inuyasha pulled Kikyo out of the kiln and stared down at her with satisfaction. That was a lot better! Umm not that she wasn't perfect before, he quickly amended in his head. Just now she was a better version of herself – Yeah! That's it! Like a Kikyo 2.0. He remembered that show he loved it, wasn't it amazing what pathetic humans could do in the future. Nothing like him of course, but still better than now. He wondered if Kikyo would notice the difference…


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Ummmm Inuyasha" Kikyo asked hesitantly.

"Yeah Kikyo?" Inuyasha asked carelessly sounding as if he wasn't particularly listening to her. Which of course he wasn't. He had much, much more important things to worry about. Mmmm like big, round, swollen, juicy…he drooled, blood trickling from his nostrils.

"Inuyasha!" Kikyo exclaimed. Even she wasn't so dumb as to realise she was being blatantly ignored. She just couldn't tell what had caught Inuyasha's attention. This had never happened before! Inuyasha had always given her his full attention when she was around. Kikyo pouted, not liking this new development at all.

Inuyasha snapped to attention. "Yes?" He asked, still a bit dreamy eyed.

"Do my boobs look bigger to you?" Kikyo asked puzzled. She looked down to where her usually loose fitting white kimono top, was now nearly ripping in an effort to contain her large chest. She was sure her chest had grown. She would never be so immodest as to wear tight fitting clothes! As a Miko that simply wasn't done!

'Uh oh! Now I'm in for it' thought Inuyasha. Slightly worried about what Kikyo's reaction would be if she realised. "Don't look any bigger to me" Inuyasha exclaimed – while hastily crossing his fingers behind his back. "Your clothes just probably shrank in the spring." 'Kikyo is never going to buy that! Hell I wouldn't believe that!' Inuyasha thought, really starting to panic.

"Oh" Kikyo replied tilting her head slightly while she thought about his unlikely explanation. "That makes perfect sense!" She replied with a broad smile. Kikyo gave him a big hug and a peck on the cheek. "Oh Inuyasha you are so intelligent!"

'Aren't I just' thought Inuyasha smugly. Totally forgetting he had thought it was a half-baked excuse to begin with. And in the meanwhile he had the twins to stare lovingly at.

"And that must also be the reason my lips are bigger and poutier" said Kikyo, content now that all her concerns had been satisfactorily explained.

'Doh' thought Inuyasha to himself 'She's defiantly not the sharpest fang in a youkai's mouth…hmm but what about a human mouth? They don't have fangs or very sharp teeth. ' His thoughts wondered off again in the direction of Kikyo's chest 'ah who cares about her teeth when she has these big, round, juicy, swollen…'

Kikyo was oblivious to Inuyasha's mental ramblings. She merrily strolled along beside Inuyasha filling a basket that she had found at Uresue's cave. There really were a lot of useful plants around here.

Kagome stretched, feeling wonderfully rested. After camping in just a sleeping bag – ok, she rolled her eyes maybe a bit more than a sleeping bag. It was after all pure spider-silk, doubly lined, and reinforced with the countless enchantments that made sleeping outdoors in the elements barely tolerable. She giggled to herself and they all thought it was nylon! The very thought made her shiver.

Kagome realised she hadn't seen Naraku in a few days. He could be dangerous if left to his own devices for very long. She headed down to his lab to check on him.

Naraku was nowhere in sight. There was however a very intriguing human shaped, sheet covered object on a trestle table in the middle of the room. Kagome decided a peak wouldn't hurt – she had promised her Aunt she would ensure he did not cause too much damage after all. That was one lady you did not want mad at you. Ever.

It was a perfect replica of Naraku! Of course it wouldn't fool anyone who knew him for very long. Still…wait! She giggled to herself. This was far too good of an opportunity to pass up. Oh the fun she could have! Kagome raced off to the castle storage rooms; she knew exactly what she could use. The feudal era would never know what was about to hit it…


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Kagome eyed her creation with satisfaction. She had finally found a use for that revolting old blue baboon pelt (complete with original head intact). A second cousin had given it to her as birthday present some years back. It had gone straight into storage and been shedding there ever since. And best of all – Naraku was terrified of the thing! He had a complete phobia to anything monkey related. Following a rather traumatic experience in his early life. To see an image of himself wrapped in that thing, would drive him crazy!

She quickly made a few dozen copies of the ghastly apparition and sent them on their merry way. They were all completely insane of course – it was impossible to make a duplicate using that spell – especially so many and have them retain any sense of the original. Not that the original had all that much sense to begin with, but when you considered how thinly it was spread…it didn't really matter much, they would drive him wild for a few weeks and how much harm could they actually do?

Kagome disposed of the evidence and placed the original clone back under the sheet. As she was about to leave the lab she bumped into a large crate, emblazoned on the side read "Mad Science – Do-it-yourself cloning kit". She picked up a piece of torn off packaging and thought to herself 'huh I guess you really can get anything from Ebay'.

.

.

.

Naraku made his way back to his lab totally unaware of the utter chaos that would soon descend on his life. He had his clone he just needed to dress it up. Add enough of his consciousness that it could act on its own and he could avoid most court functions for at least a few decades – perhaps longer if he was lucky.

Looking down at his clone got him thinking, Mad Science did do individual limbs. He supposed it was partially his fault that Sesshoumaru had his arm severed. He whimpered just thinking about it. Sure it wasn't THAT big of a deal – it would grow back naturally …after a few decades. It's just that Sesshoumaru had been so angry at him. He had never felt so close to death before. He should never have made that bet with Kagome. The cheat! How was he to know she would get involved - letting Inuyasha get the better of his elder (half) sibling. It should never have happened!

Naraku smiled feeling better. He would send a kit to Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru would get his arm back. Sesshoumaru would forgive him and stop causing trouble with his Aunt. She was so fond of the Lord of the West and much more likely to take his word over her nephews. He got on his laptop and placed the order immediately.

.

.

.

"AHHHHH! HELP! KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!" Shippo shrieked at the top of his lungs – which for a kitsune kit was very loud.

Sango jumped up from where she was sharpening the edge of her hiraikotsu. Shippo was a very sensible child and it was not like him to get easily alarmed.

"ITS GONNA EAT ME!" Shippo sprang up on her shoulder, burying his face in her hair. "Save me" he whimpered softly. Sango tensed, ready to go on the attack.

'Wait a minute! – wasn't that' "Inuyasha?" she queried 'and who was that beside him? It looked like…no! It couldn't be real woman couldn't possibly have THAT figure!'


End file.
